So I put this off long enough. It's time for a review on Age of Extinction, the latest in the unnecessarily scrutinized Transformers movies by the hated Michael Bay. Now, instead of paragraphs upon paragraphs of boring shit, let's just do some categories. Well, two categories. What was AWESOME, and what was BWAAA. SPOILERS, DUH
-New cast. Now, I really hated Shia LeDouche and Megan Fox in the first two. Shia is a spastic douchebag and Megan can't act worth a shit. Carly was a step up, but Shia is still... Shia. So when a new cast for this one was announced, I was happy. And they weren't a disappointment. Mark Wahlbeg did a good job working along side Optimus. We already know Mark Wahlberg is a good actor, so twas no surprise. The Last Airbender girl did good. People said she was the worst, but I didn't see it. Now Jack Reynor, he bugged me. He was decent, but he didn't do the best job. He was the weakest actor, without a doubt. Kelsey Grammar, Titus Welliver, and Stanley Tucci all did fantastic as well, being all evil.
-New Autobots. I really hope this isn't the first trilogy all over again. In TF07, the Autobots were great. Fun characters, cool guys. Then their screentime got reduced as time went on. I hope that doesn't happen here. The new Autobots were great. Sure, Bumblebee needs to go away, but the new threesome were pretty top-notch. Drift, whatever. I really didn't see a need for him. Crosshairs was cool. He had some fetish for weapons and bombs, which was cool. His goggles got put to use in a cool way on Lockdown's ship. Hound was the star of the Autobots. He was properly funny, was bursting with personality, and was creative with weapons. Once he ran out of ammo, he throws his goddamn hat at a Vehicon and kills it. He was really foul, though. I don't think any Autobot has swore in these movies.
-Lockdown. I don't believe in the whole 'nameslap' thing. I'm not some whiny manchild who will complain if a character isn't Geewun accurate. But Lockdown is one of the characters I would like to see be written the same whenever he appears. A cold and merciless bounty hunter. And they did it. He was properly the main villain, and was pretty damn good. He was completely faithful to Animated Lockdown. Skull face, hook, spaceship... He was all there. Still wasn't sold on his voice. Sounded too much like Jetfire to me. I would've definitely preferred Lance Hendrikson. But he was still perfect. And that Lamborghini Avendator is super sexy as all get out. His helmet was badass. The facegun was badass. His ass is badass. All of it, perfect.
-I didn't feel bad for the villains. In the last two, I just felt bad for The Fallen, Megatron, and Sentinel. They were just depowered against Optimus Prime, and got massacred in a matter of minutes. Plus they really didn't do anything that effected me, in my eyes. Sure, human genocide is bad. Ironhide melting is bad, but they really just got put down too quick. But Lockdown and Attinger, man. They were evil as shit villains. And I didn't feel anything when Lockdown got sliced in two and Attinger got shot. In my eyes, they got what they deserved.
-Optimus and Cade vs Lockdown. I don't know why, but I loved this fight. The slo-mo did it just right, and the VILLAIN HELD HIS GROUND. Hell, Lockdown managed to stab Optimus with his own sword. Now THAT'S awesome.
-Hound vs Vehicons. Again, an amazing fight. Hound used every weapon at his disposal, and it was amazing. Triple Gatling runs out? Use shotguns. They run out? Use pistols. That runs out? Knife. Not good enough? HAT. Plus they really played up that Hound might die. The Vehicons were getting the upper hand on him before the Dinobots arrived, and that's good for a reason.
-Threatening villains. Interestingly enough, the KSI Vehicons were a huge threat. (if you try to say the Prime Vehicons are better, I'll cut you.) It was mainly strength in numbers, but they were still a threatening force.
-Galvatron. He was surprisingly cool. He showed up for about 10 minutes, but in that ten minutes, he was pretty cool.
-Two-headed Shockwave. Because WHY NOT
-Elevator guy. WAS HE JI PEI-HUI?!
-Dinobots. For being hyped as all hell, they were in the movie for about 10 minutes. And they were in robot mode for less than that. Sure, they looked cool, but they felt more like an afterthought more than anything. Like Bay was all 'You know, the fan people really like those dinosaur guys. We should put them in!' I know they'll get more screentime when the next movies roll around whenever that may be, but for now, they're just unnecessary.
-86 Movie logic. Okay, here comes the whining. You kept Brains around, even if he was in it for 5 minutes then disappears. Why couldn't you keep Ratchet? Or Sideswipe? Did they have to murder Ratchet in the most heart-tearing moment in Transformers history? I mean, the poor guy was getting mercilessly shot down by those KSI jerks, unarmed, trying not to hurt anyone (until he killed a couple dudes) and they cripple him down. All for what? Just to get rid of the rest of the 07 cast? To bring some emotion? You could've done that with Leadfoot. People liked him. Or Dino, or any of the other Wreckers. Or even Wheelie! Poor guy is super tiny! Seeing him get shot up would be sad! This adds to the 'villains got what they deserved' thing. Lockdown and KSI both.
-Lockdown. Small, but someone said all of Lockdown's cool scenes were shown in the trailers. I... kinda agree.
-Too long. Nearly three hours. Jesus, and I thought Dark Knight Rises or DOTM was pushing it.
-The plot. Okay, the plot for this movie was nuttier than Manson in a peanut factory. It starts with KSI and Lockdown hunting the Autobots. All fine and dandy. But then they randomly bring Megatron into the Frey, and the movie takes a left turn out of nowhere. From hunting and sadness and death to an episode of Transformers: Prime in the last 45 minutes or so. I don't get the 180 of the plot, at all. Feels like they had two ideas, and merged both of them into one movie. Yeesh.
-Quintessans are dicks to dinosaurs
-Lockdown is a dick to T.J. Miller.
-Cut scenes. I know for a fact that a lot more was filmed but was cut for no reason. One of which being more with Leadfoot's altmode. It was seen on set with Bumblebee's 67' Camaro, then it was chased by KSI. But all we saw in the movie was Leadfoot being gunned down. And we don't get to see anything from the silver Aston-Martian, or the orange McLaren. So I hope they survived? In a video posted on TFW today, there was a guy explaining that a lot with the Rally Fighters was also cut out. Why was it cut out? To put in more Li Bingbing fight scenes?
-Li Bingbing fight scene. The actress is stunning, but that fight scene went on for two long. In fact, all of that elevator stuff went on for too long. Talk about padding.
-Disappearing characters. Alright, so we have;
so... get that someone.
-Stinger. Guy looks cool as hell, but what role does he get? He drives around and dies. Whoptee frickin doo. They could've played on the Bee/Stinger rivalry, but instead they just make him fodder. THE RULES HAVE CHANGED? Yeah, no.
-Galvatron. Again, he was in it for about 10 minutes total.
So that's it. Is it my favorite movie of 2014? I've only seen two movies in 2014. So, no. It's not my favorite of the year. Second favorite? Well again, I've only seen two movies this year, so I guess it is by default. I liked it more than I thought I would. It helps to keep your expectations low as fucking dinosaur bones.
This movie was a vast improvement over ROTF and DOTM. Where it is on my rating scale:
So, second favorite in the quadrilogy. Hooray!
So that's it. Tip your waitresses, call a cab, and always abandon a lost cause.